A long time coming…(some ramblings on this past year)

It’s been a solid three months since I’ve uploaded any new content and even longer since I didn’t simply hi-jack content from another source. I debated starting a whole new blog, but let’s be honest, I’m not that motivated. So, I made a few tweaks with the appearance and voila!

I also figured, that since I’m going to be entering into a new stage of life, now is as good a time as any for a reboot.

One year ago at this time I was in Florida being trained to go out and raise a support team before heading into campus ministry. To be honest I didn’t think the MTD process would be all that challenging. Chalk it up to pride, immaturity and probably a good portion of naivety. Now, one year out I look back and can’t believe all that has happened during this time. Most of it falls under the category of “God’s in control and I’m not so why do you keep trying to be in control it’s obviously not working”. Which would include and often be followed by emotional, mental, psychological, sometimes physical breakdowns. And then grace.

Having been raised and schooled in a culture of performance based ‘love’, this process has pretty much gone against everything I thought I knew. In a world where hard work get’s you good grades, a good job and a good pay check, and the idea of grace is completely foreign, I naturally thought that’s how support raising would go. Yes, a good portion of success in support raising is related to hard work, dedication and faithfulness in doing the job before you but there is so much more to it.

Last June, following New Staff Training I was eager to hit the MTD trail and by strictly monetary standards I was successful. I had met with several people who were excited to support me and my percentage raised climbed quickly. Then at the end of June I need to have my appendix taken out and was forced to take a break for a week. All momentum was gone and it felt like weeks of work were suddenly and inconveniently halted. But, it was out of my control after only one month.

Over the following eleven months my control was stripped in deeper and more profound ways. I would put in really intense hours of work and would gain no new support, and then I would have an off week and would gain support from those I never even spoke to. What was going on? This didn’t make any sense? I was not getting what I thought I deserved and other times getting what I clearly didn’t deserve. God used these things to show me his grace in ways I had not experienced and a lot of the times it was through very difficult personal situations.

While Salvation through Grace was something that I was all about I had limited my view of God’s grace to only my eternal outcome and turned to a false gospel of works based intimacy with God, and trying to earn my success and place my identity in support raising success. It became about money and number of supporters rather than growing in my relationship with Christ and bringing the Gospel everywhere I go.

While I did and do need to be faithful in the work God has placed before me it is not where my identity lies and how I do in those areas does not affect God’s love for me. That has been what this last year has been about. Even in the highest of highs and lowest of lows God was constant. Even when he allowed painful situations He remained sovereign and allowed such things to complete his will.

Now as I close this post of disheveled and unorganized thoughts I look back at a year that I won’t soon forget. A year that if I had a chance to write it from the beginning would not have looked anything like it did, but I am thankful for everything that took place. Looking forward I am excited. I know it would be easy but I can take heart for God will remain sovereign and his will perfect and the battle we are in the midst of is already won.

Until next time.

John 16:33

English Standard Version (ESV)

33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

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